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I previously thought that only three types of people wore sunglasses indoors:
a) blind people
b) other people with eye problems
c) douchebags

Oh, how I was wrong.  There is now a d) added to that list, and it is...
nuns in the library

How I was shocked when they sat right next to me, while I was studiously typing my NaNoWriMo story (I was reading slash, actually..) and I realized that two out of three were wearing pretty spiffy looking shades.

Maybe it's a nun fad? Or maybe they're a special sunglasses cult?
Library visitors think I'm a librarian.

I can sort of see how they can make that mistake if I'm standing next to the reference desk reading the Rolling Stone magazine and waiting for a librarian to find a slightly obscure, lost, German/English book I pulled out of my ass this week... It's OK, it can happen - not everyone can deduce that my disinterested attitude means I'm not there to help them...

BUT, I definitely don't see how they can mistake me for a librarian when I'm sitting at one of the tables, using my laptop to play Tropico 4 and similing because I make such a great island dictator.

Do I have a 'librarian' loook about me? Is it the hair? The clothes? The nerdiness? The glasses? What makes that stereotypical librarian look in their eyes?

It's kind of amusing, though.

It doesn't help that, when they ask me something, I answer with 'I'm not a librarian, but...' and then I give them the right answer.

Speaking of Tropico 4, it's a fun game, you guys should check it out. If you've ever dreamed of ruling a country, get on it. lol. It's a construction and management game.
Funny tidbit: I issued the Same Sex Marriage edict (allowing same sex couples to marry) and lost some respect of the Religious faction. 20 minutes later, what do I see? My cardinals married each other. Those fuckers! XD In other words, I think Tropico game programmers are such trolls. I love it :D
I'm so glad I had my ears pierced when I was 1 year old. Seriously, I want to have a helix/cartilage piercing done and I've done like two hours of research. I'm not scared of the pain, I'm scared of possible infections and complications. :O And not being allowed to sleep on the pierced side.

If I had to do my earlobes, I probably would not, because I can't sleep on my back, or any way that doesn't have at least one ear on the pillow.

So thank you, parents, for doing it to me before I could remember it. Many people seem to be against doing that sort of body modification to a baby who can't consent (I'm all for a person being aware and consenting during any life-changing body modification... aka circumcision... which is rarely done in Croatia and most of Europe), but I can't be happier that I had ears done as a baby. For some reason, I'm strangely defensive of parents who pierce their toddlers. Must be because it's tradition here. OMG that foul word. Tradition. Just because people are used to doing it, doesn't mean it should be done, hm? Do you have a stance on this? I've read about it, and some people have quite passionate opinions, both for and against.

Anyone had any piercings done?

Funny how that happens

A few days ago, I googled the five stages of grief because I forgot which exactly they were. I read a few paragraphs about each stage to familiarize myself with it because I wanted to include it in a story.

Today, at the library, I checked out a book by Maya Angelou and randomly selected another book from the same publisher and similar theme. It was The Wheel of Life: A Memoir of Living and Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (interesting read so far, if somewhat wacky and self-important... but that may be just how confident people talk about themselves...).

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is, among other things, known for the Kübler-Ross Model, aka the Five Stages of Grief. Which I only just found out after googling her in my reading break.


It's almost like The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when you learn something new (like an obscure phrase, word or fact), and then hear it again shortly after, in a completely unrelated circumstance.
Mat's mp3 player has been busted for a couple weeks (got a turn in the washing machine, but anyway...) so I'm letting him borrow my cell phone to listen to songs, when I'm not out. Today he was like 'Hey, um... so, can I take it with me to Ethics tomorrow?' and I say 'Sure, go ahead.' He kind of looks at me for a sec and says, 'Oh. Well. OK then. [pause] I need it for when I'm going to class and I can't even listen to that Ethics teacher talk..' and I say, 'OKAY, just go. I said you can take it.'

He was clearly surprised. But whatever, it's not like I need a cell phone on a Saturday at home.
I'm getting better at not being a totally terrible sister, tho I'm still kinda short with him a  lot of times when he just comes and wants to talk about shit with no purpose. I want to hide away and tell him to please just stop talking and go away.

Why am I such a bad people person? I'm mostly in my room (cold, cold room, no heating) because I can't be in the presence of three people all the time and my mum's like 'I'd like to see you sometime, you should come to the living room.' We're like... 200 meters from each other and she never sees me. Oh Jesus.
You know what's kinda funny, but not? I take anti-anxiety pills on a daily basis in order to, ya know, not be anxious and stuff. In order to get the pills, continue getting better and get proper treatment, I have to actually have monthly check-ups with the psychiatrist. And I can't even call the doc to set up an appt because it's giving me anxiety. In short, I get anxiety attacks so I need pills, but I can't set up an appointment, because IT makes me have an anxiety attack. Kind of a Catch-22, there, huh?
Oh, also, I'm doing NaNo. Sort of, idk. I have over 20k words that I've written in the last four days (I didn't have classes, national holiday, woohoo), but it's mostly fic. I haven't even decided which story is my actual NaNo story. Whatever reaches 50k first is the winner. *snort*. Unless I completely blank out now that classes are back and I have to study.
Everyone is discouraged from wearing gowns, especially satin. I'm sorry (not sorry), but most people wearing shiny clothes look like pork in plastic wrap.

And if anyone comes in matching dresses, I'm going to throw myself off a bell tower.

If I have to go to another wedding, we better be real great friends. Or your wedding theme is like, boho chic or casual or some shit.

Writer's Block: Night tremors

What keeps you up at night?
A mouse has taken up residence in my room. 
It made a whole bunch of noise last night somewhere between the wall and my bed.. or below my bed.. or IN MY BED. IDK.

A mouse keeps me up at night.

I've been talking to the most interesting person I've ever met on omegle. He's a 16 year-old conservative liberal green hippie neo nazi biologist mutant thing and I can't even comprehend how he exists.

And he is really great. We agree on so much shit, he's amazingly articulate and intelligent, to the point where I can understand where he comes from with some of his conservative views. Even if they are fundamentally against mine (on the point of homosexuality, race, nationalism...), I feel like I can see his side and actually consider what he's saying. I just love it. Even though it makes me sad that he's racist and homophobic, he is not hateful about it, just overly... scientific in a survival of species way that thumps everything. Ah. But the kid is great, though. I think I gave him as much to think about as he did me.

I could live in his creativity-based matriarchy, though.


Have you ever suddenly looked at a stranger in real life and all the air just went out of your lungs?

I'm not talking about beautiful people that would make you go 'DAMN, this person is HOT.' I'm talking about seriously feeling like the everything stops and you can't turn away and you just know that if the person glances your way, they'll just be able to tell how you feel. When your eyes meet, the desire to cling to this person, crawl into them is so overwhelming that you feel faint and twitchy and insane.

Do you guys know how much fanfiction I have read? It's mind-boggling. There are months when I'll read 80-100k words a day.

In an effort to stop reading so much fanfic, I have tried reading actual published books. Now, I can't say how well that's really been going. I have apparently lost my appetite for anything that's not gay romance. Seriously. It's really frustrating.

I changed tactics and tackled original gay romance. There's been some pretty awesome stuff I've read. I used to have hangups about romance being mindless marshmallow fluff, but then I realized I'd been reading fic that's mostly based on pairings - and there's some pretty decent fic out there.

But. Do you have any idea (you don't, and checking my Goodreads won't give you even half of the story) how much romance, romantica and erotica I've read in the past few months? TONS.

Which brings me to my point. It's not the fact that I'm obsessed with slash. It's not even the fact that I can't seem to do anything but read said slash (which I've got to effin stop!).

It's actually this: I don't get how a lot of those books actually get published. Seriously. I'd never encountered some of the shit I've seen in actual published works. Some of the worst, stupidest, mushiest, out of character, most bizarre, atrocious mistakes of writing were introduced to me by the likes of original fiction. WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME.

Gay romance is the fastest growing book market (or so they say), and ebook publishers are more than happy to get on that horse. It's a drone working non-stop, spewing out anything that ranges from horrendous to brilliant. Everyone wants to put out stories fast, many times putting quantity above quality.

Still, it amazes and stupefies me, that with the number of agents, publishers and editors going around accepting said stories, no one would teach the writers a thing or two. Most of the time it's not even the writers' faults. But I digress. My point was actually fanfic. Do I just have such incredible good luck to weed out the worst of the fic? There is a huge number of fanfic writers who cross over to original fiction and get pretty sweet deals out of it. Which only serves to further confuse me and brings me to this question:

How come is it that newbie gay romance authors and fanfic authors have such different styles of writing and different mistakes they make? At least in my experience, it's been that way.

For fanfic authors, I'd say it's recycled plots and dubious grammar. Plus the fluff and sweetness uncharacteristic to men.

For original fiction... head hopping. I don't understand who teaches these kids to write, but it seriously gets on my last nerve. Is it the new thing that's all in rage right now? It's a sudden shift of POV from one character to another while in close 3rd person POV. I've never seen anyone in fanfic do it. Ever. EVER.
Second of all, original fiction has to be the place I find even mushier shit than in fanfic. So much so that I could believe one of the guys was originally written as a girl in a Harlequin romance. Power imbalance between the two characters is more prominent in original fiction than in any fic from my fandoms. Maybe the writers come from yaoi fandoms more than those I'm a part off. I need further research on that one.

So is bad grammar. And they have actual editors who pay to do that shit.

Why do fanfic writers seem to have a better grasp on basic writing principles than some (and I repeat SOME, because I don't want to give romance a bad name) published authors, who are So below any fanfic I've almost ever read?

This post makes no sense. I'm rambling. I'm brain-fried.