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Dream On

I've been having some weirdly unsettling dreams lately. I don't remember most, because I don't focus on them after I wake up. What I do remember is that they're not really nightmarish or scary, but I wake up really abruptly every time, with my heart hammering a mile a minute, and I'm really frightened for some reason.

Like just now, I was taking an afternoon nap because I only had four hours of sleep last night. In the dream, I was in my room, and it was night. Dad was coughing really badly in the living room and I thought I'd have to call the ambulance but my phone was off and I fumbled to plug it in, worrying that dad would get angry if he realized my phone was off again. I peeked out of my room to inspect. At that point, mum burst outside and told me she was going to the drug store to buy stuff because it seemed like dad was getting sick, and it was better to take early action.

Flash forward to her returning home with a washcloth (wtf) that apparently she couldn't buy, but someone lent to her. Then dad started yelling because the washcloth was moldy. Mum ran to my room with it, screamed, and threw the piece of cloth on my floor. I got so scared I woke up.

What the fuck is going on in my head?


My mum came to me today and asked me if I'd like a haircut. I haven't had one in a long time and it was getting long, so I said I would. 
She said she would give me a 'MALE' cut. I was like Okaaay, male. I really wanted short hair, it's much easier to handle.
My neighbour came and commented on my 'LESBIAN' hair. 
My brother is calling me 'Paul McCartney'.

It's a pixie cut. I just need to fix the bangs some myself, cause mum did them too straight (hence Paul McCartney... I think?)

I don't think it compliments my face shape, BUT I DON'T  CARE, OMG SHORT HAIR. Last summer I had a bob cut ala Katie Holmes that one time, and it looked awesome, but I love this one because it's even shorter. I don't have to move it from my face and it won't get wet when I wash my face. 

Sooner or later, I'll get it even shorter. 

I decided if I ever shave my hair, I want to get a tattoo on my head. It probably hurts like a bitch. 

I look like such a 'sweet young girl' (ew) I think some people could go into shock. 
We had a bit of 'excitement' yesterday. Mum and I were at the neighbour's place when her dad suddenly started jerking and rocking. It looked pretty bad and everyone went into a kind of panic. My neighbor tried to calm him down, her daughter was freaking out and crying, my mum was like 'Call 911!' (or, well, 112 in Croatia), neighbour's brother was hanging around and swearing...

I tried telling my neighbor to stop trying to hold her dad down, I thought he might hurt her or himself, but she wasn't listening. I called 112 and calmly explained what was going on while everyone around me was in a state of fucking panic. 

We got the ambulance and they got to him, telling us he had an epileptic fit. I felt so damn stupid and useless because I had no idea what you're supposed to do (or not supposed to do) with someone who has a seizure.

It was ridiculous. 

Heaven in a Mug

I wanted to say orgasm in a mug, but figured it was too crude to say orgasm. I'm a lady, after all. 

What am I talking about?


I love mug cake. It's one of the best inventions of modern society. I don't know if you've had it (you've probably heard of it). If you haven't, you should. Who doesn't want to have deliciousness ready in 5 minutes? Blessed be microwaves.

 The recipe I use as a base can be found here. If I want an extra sweet kick, I put chocolate powder instead of cocoa. Mum and I just made a variation with chocolate chips and raisins. If you have something against raisins in chocolate, like some people I won't name *cough*Sandra*cough*, of course you can go without ;). But you shouldn't. Because raisins are cool. I also like coconut flour. The possibilities are endless.

If you've never made mug cake, you should know that it rises quite a lot. If you don't want it to spill over, use a cereal bowl or something similar. The recipe from above makes more than I can eat.

This post brought to you by Marina's chocolate addiction. Thank you.

Privacy, What Is That?

You know what I hate? When people just come into my room. My room is at the end of the veranda, opens to the side lawn. I don't close the doors because they're massive and currently non functional. I would think people would at least knock, or ask if they can come in. Especially when mum sends guests to use my bathroom. It's like "Oh hey, I'm just barging into your room with no word because I need to use the toilet and... Oh were you sleeping?"

Yes, I really do want every guest stumbling upon the bra on the chair and the personal items I left out on the vanity.
 I swear my brother is the most... clueless 17 year-old I know. 
Mat: *looking through my CDs* Who's this?
Me: Adam Lambert
Mat: That's a girl. Does she think she's from Stargate? 
Me: whaaat?
Mat: She's wearing that hand thingy like the Gods from Stargate
Me: Adam is not a girl
Mat: But she's wearing make up.

He sounded so naive about it, I wasn't even offended. 
Me: Guys can wear make up, you know.
Mat: But it's a girl. 
Me: You realize guys can wear makeup, right? Not everyone is the same. Sometimes boys want to do that. 
Mat: OK. Look here he looks like that friend of D. (our uncle) who's a hairdresser. They have exactly the same hair.
Me: Oh, really? D's hairdresser friend? *smirk*
Mat: Yeah, but I don't think I've seen him wear makeup. Hm. 
He plays around my desk and takes my nail fie
Mat: Why does it have three surfaces? 
Me: You start with 1 to shape the nail, two to refine it, and then the third side to shine the nail.
Mat: *moves file over finger* *pouts* But it's not shiny.
Me: Because it's old. 
Mat: You should get a new one
We're talking Batman, and he's asking me to look up who's played Batman in movies so far. I'm reading it and go.. Oh, Morgan Freeman is in the next Batman movie.
Mat: Yeah, probably playing Catwoman?
Me: Matija, Morgan Freeman is a guy. You're thinking Halle Berry. 
I swear, I have no idea what we're doing. . He took some thread and a needle, and he's sewing up a carboard box.
He must be really bored to venture into my room and talk to me for this long while I'm writing this. 

Joys of Sibling-hood

I said yesterday that I'd recount the story of my brother's shiner. It started with my brother having a sleepover at my grandma's. When I came to grandma's yesterday, he was there and holy hell... when he saw me, he was like 'I have to tell you what happened yesterday, you won't believe this shit!"
He was out drinking, across the street from grandma's house, on an abandoned lot. He was with our uncle and a whole bunch of his friends. People ranging between 17 and 28. Mat had had a couple beers when this girl started punching him. He had no idea why, and he kept removing herself from her. Something about her getting angry during a random conversation with the bunch of them. I have no idea what the girl thought. He's huge. Not someone you'd call 'Tiny', but really tall and muscular. And girl is less than half his size.
So he's running away from her, but girl is fast and she jumps on his back. He takes her my the wrists in order to dislodge her, but she holds tight and bites him in the shoulder. He manages to pull her up by the arms and put her on the floor. He says, "But she's not giving up, and I can't talk sense into her, so I freaking run, but it's open and there's nowhere to hide. She's so pissed off, but I have no idea why. I only even met her once. I didn't want to start shit. If I even tried to push her, I think she'd fall and break. So I run for M's car and I try to lock myself in it, hoping she'll stop. But she gets to the door and hits me in the stomach. You should have seen it. I projectile vomited all over her and the seat. You know I don't have dinner and I had two beers and some yogurt, so... yuck. She gets all "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" and hits me in the eye with her purse thing. Now M's pissed off at me about the stupid car even if it wasn't my fault."
Thing is, Mat is kind of... violate. So I was extremely glad he was trying to remove himself from her. I would have fucking snapped and hit the bitch so hard if she kept punching me and biting. I know, he doesn't deserve a medal for being aware of his size and being a decent human being, but UGH.
And what do I hear 30 minutes later from my uncle? "Hey Marina, did you hear how your brother got beat up by a girl?" I'd like to point out that I've heard a variation of that sentence at least four times. He told me the story with a complete lack of any shame about being 'beat up', but then some of my uncle's friends came and they were the asshole kind and they kept ragging on him. I just think it's shitty. What was he supposed to do? Hit back? Not bloody likely. 
Then he got home last night and dad confronted him about stealing some cigarettes from him. I totally don't approve, but bro is in deep. He lied and said he didn't do it, which made the whole thing worse. For my dad, it wasn't about the cigarettes and much as it was the lying. It would have been much better if he'd just admitted it right away, but he didn't and now... He's grounded for a month. Basically, he can only spend time during the day in the kitchen and the porch. No TV, no computer, no anything. He's miserable. If he does so much as the smallest transgression (and my dad is capable of making sure he does so in his eyes), he's out of the house. 
I really don't like what he did, but it's not my place to judge - and I know him. He could snap and go insane with a month of nothing to do. I have no idea if I should do anything myself. I can't talk to dad, because I think it would go horribly wrong. Mat and I aren't really close enough for heart to heart conversations and we don't even do stuff together. Should I try to engage him in something to do? Let him play on my computer? The entrance to my room is on the porch, so it would be easy to do, but I don't want us to get caught because that would be the end of us all. I mean it in the worst sense imaginable. But making him sit and stew is also not very good. He's doing some carpentry on the porch right now, but he's bored out of his skull. No idea what to do here. Let him sit it out and hope for the best? I wish the guy read books or drew or something... I could supply books and paper. Should I buy board games and cards? Damn.
 ... and I get points for doing it right. But I'm getting ahead of myself.. 

Mum and I went to grandma's today to make tomato juice. And I'm not talking like stove-top quiantities. I'm talking about 'I could fall in this thing and be served as Human in tomato sauce' quantities. We do it every year; it's quite an ordeal. We also make ketchup, jam, plum brandy etc etc. Grandma's got quite a bit of land and she grows all kinds of stuff. We do as well, but not as much as her. I washed 50 bottles, got some smoke in my lungs and a few battle wounds (a blister and some burned hair from when Mat went too near with a lighter).
Also, you gotta know how to stir that big-ass cauldron thing or else your arms will fall of. It's all in the body movement. They have it down to a science. lol. I'm not complaining. Homemade is homemade, even if it's old-fashioned and weird to some people. I wouldn't give up homemade ketchup... store-bought stuff is like a completely different thing. Same goes for basically anything home grown I think my German aunt smuggles insane amounts of vegetables and produce back home whenever she comes for a visit. XD
We went to the store and my mum met this woman there. They were standing next to me and my mum's like "This is my daughter." and the woman is like "Oh yeah? What's her name? How old is she?" "Marina. She's 22" "Oh yeah? Does she go to college?" No, how could she possibly go to college when she apparently doesn't exist, or is still unable to speak for herself. That's when I jumped into the conversation. People seem to do that a lot - start asking my mum questions about me, while I'm there. Can't they turn to me instead of me having to interrupt and step in? I don't know if anyone else experiences this with their mothers. EH.
It was American Week at the store, which basically means they get a bunch of 'American' shit like special condiments, cookies, peanut butter, cranberry juice, popcorn, marshmallows... We got this hamburger sauce and sandwich sauce. I don't even know.... I got sweet popcorn. I'm not feeling too enthusiastic about it tasting that great, but I'm curious. I'd hoped they would have ginger ale, but no dice. It's something I have yet to try. 

Some other things happened, mainly with my brother and the shiner he's currently sporting, but I think tomorrow will be fairly uneventful, so I'll write about it then - don't want to make this too long to read. 
I left my popcorn at grandma's so I have to wait for mum to get back home to try it. I left early because my people quota filled up for the day. I think I did well, though. I even stayed for dinner. I think grandma thought it was the end of the world. Haha
 I'd just gotten out of bed and had a hurried breakfast when mum sat us down on the veranda with a bowl full of potatoes.

So i was sitting there, wearing orange PJ bottoms, a black cut up band t-shirt two sizes too big, pink slippers and my Queer as Folk bracelet, trying to maneuver and peel tiny potatoes while my long manicured nails were getting in the way...

Then this guy shows up. And he's HOT. He's like 'Hi' and I'm like Jesus H Christ, could I look more like a freak?  

He's asking for my brother, and tells me he's a friend from school. My brother is just short of 17. My brain helpfully supplies that this hot person is probably a minor. I shouldn't be perving on minors, even if the age of consent in Croatia is 13 or whatever. Jesus.

He's staring at me, waiting for brother to show up, and I ask him "What?". He answers with "Just wondering which one of your multiplie personalities dressed you today." I say, "The 'I'm so embarrassed, don't be so mean' one, and the 'Fuck off and burn in hell' one."
We go back and forth waiting for my brother to show up. I ask him which article of clothing he's most impressed by, and he answers it's the bracelet. Then my brother shows up and they wander off.
Still trying to get over my mortification of being seen looking like a hurricane threw up on me, thinking of minors as HOTHOTHOT, and figuring out if pointing out my bracelet was like a Bat signal, only gayer, or if he just liked it. IDK.

Vitamin D is Good for You

I got carded at the supermarket. Apparently, I don't look 18 enough to buy booze. 

That's the single good thing about my looks that I can think of at the moment - I got the slow aging process from my mother. I am quite pleased with that. I might occasionally suffer right now, but I'mma be such a boss at 40 or 50. Just you wait!

I had to pretend I was actually going out for coffee with someone, just to have some sort of purpose. Father dear has been nagging and controlling and wants me to 'go out more, you dumb fuck'. My social anxiety is lost on both my parents. I did get to hunt for a suitable space to sit down and write - I imagined I was one of those cool, published authors who sit around in cafes and look accomplished and engrossed in their fantasies. It was monumentally awkward. I haven't quite mastered the 'sitting by myself in cafes' thing yet. When I hit my limit, I went to the castle grounds around here, sat below a big-ass oak tree and let insects walk all over me. They seemed to like me very much. 

It was a more eventful day than most. I should start doing fun things, or else I won't have anything interesting to write about.